When Danny Met Coffee
by Beautybecks
Summary: Danny does a Meg Ryan in the office. slightly slashy.


Title: When Danny met Coffee

Rating: R… I think.

Summary: Danny does a Meg Ryan in the office

Disclaimer: I really, really, REALLY wish I owned Danny Taylor. Alas, alack, I don't. I don't own the others too.

Author Notes: This was intended to be a crack!fic but I don't think it worked. I'm lousy at humour. I'll blame it on the fact I'm British. We even spell humour differently. Putting that aside, as you've probably guessed, this fic is highly influenced by the film 'When Harry met Sally.' But you don't have to have seen that for this fic to make sense. Oh, and great respect goes to (insert name here) as she is the queen of crack!fics.

When Danny Met Coffee

"Men can't fake orgasm, Danny." Danny glared at Sam, really not wanting the biology lecture from her.

"I never said men fake orgasm, I said men fake the sounds."

"Why would they do that?"

"To make the girl know he's having a good time. If he's screaming your name, you know he's faking it."

"Really?" Sam's voice was interesting mix of disapproval and curiosity.

"If he was having that great a time, he'd be too far gone to remember your name." Danny smirked. "The same goes for the girl. I've noticed how, when a girl's with me, my name changes from Danny to Dan to Mmmm and Ohhhh." Sam giggled at Danny's imitations of a woman on the verge of orgasm. It amused her so much that she never even commented on Danny's egotistic ravings. Besides, there might be a small truth in what he was saying. Danny continued.

"I'm serious here!"

"What's your point?" Sam asked, once she'd got the giggling under control.

"I don't think I have one, but what I'm saying is: both men and women fake the sounds of orgasms to please their partner, right? But different things please different people. You've got to tailor your orgasm to the needs of your partner. If your partner's so self-absorbed you can scream their name and tell them how great they are and they'll be happy. What's even harder is if you have a partner who tries to please you. You can't hold back. You've got to scream and shout and forget all dignity." Danny smirked as Samantha looked completely lost in what he was saying.

"Of course there is another way." Martin chose that time to enter and hand Danny a cup of coffee. Danny thanked him without really acknowledging his presence and continued giving the conclusion of his rant to Samantha. "You adapt your orgasm to fit the other person's image of you." Sam chuckled, partly in Danny's confidence and partly in Martin's confusion. As she stood up to leave, she whispered something into Danny's ear:

"What do you think my image of you is like?" and with that, she started to walk off. She didn't get very far.

Danny sipped his coffee and grinned. He was never one to back down from challenge. And Samantha, unknowingly, had set him one. He moaned softly. At first.

Then louder as he gulped his coffee down. He knew he had a reputation for being overly fond of coffee. One girl had once said he was all 'orgasmic' over it which totally wasn't true but it's what they thought of him so he might as well prove them right.

Well, actually there was this one time when it was a really hot day and he'd been working a really long time and Martin brought him an ice-cold mocha frappachino from Starbucks. With added cinnamon powder and perhaps he might have moaned out loud when he drank that. He was drooling just thinking about it.

Danny forced himself back to reality with a bump, putting his almost-finished coffee down before he got caught up too much in this. He then executed the next step of his exhibition.

Danny started speaking Spanish at a million words per minute. He was actually talking about coffee but no-one in the office was that good at Spanish to realise and even if they were, he was speaking so fast and smirking so much that it didn't matter **what** he was saying, just that he'd keep on doing it.

Danny was kind and threw in a few words that he knew Martin would get at least. Words that would make anybody who did understand them blush. And Martin did.

Danny's smirking increased as he was fuelled by Martin's reaction. He gave Samantha a defiant glance and knew she was enjoying this as much as he was. She'd enjoy what was coming even more.

Samantha had often questioned Martin and Danny's relationship but Danny had no problem with that. He loved it and he loved teasing Martin about it. He loved making Martin blush and revelled in making him uncomfortable. Danny almost chuckled in anticipation but he managed to disguise it as an erotic moan instead.

In between the Spanish words and the moans Danny occasionally added sounds that could have been interpreted as Martin's name. Samantha exploded in a fit of giggles and Danny concluded his floorshow with some very heavy breathing and his jaw ached from smirking so hard.

It wasn't until the atmosphere returned to normal that anyone realised Jack had entered sometime during it all. Samantha turned extremely quiet and Martin went extremely pale. Danny nonchalantly nodded to Jack and even asked Jack if everything was okay.

"er… The Simmons case. I thought I'd talk to the brother again but I think he'd open up more if you were there too. Er… are you done here?"

"Wait a second" Danny downed the rest of his coffee. "Let's go." Danny left, giving Samantha a very triumphant grin on his way out. Jack took a glance at the stunned office, sighed as he questioned (not for the first time) whether he was the ONLY straight man in the FBI building, then followed Danny out.

Martin was sat down with a file on his lap and his legs under the desk. He was not getting up any time soon.

FIN.


End file.
